I've been taking a hiatus of sorts this summer. I've written a bit here and there, bought some pretty new pens and notebooks but, I needed to see if God wanted more from me. Something different. So, I've yielded, prayed, rested, (and repeat).
I was forced from my little introverted bubble into the welcoming hearts of a group of Jesus loving ladies.
Pushed beyond my comfort zone of showing up with my book and bible app, agreeing with the comments by nodding my head and smiling, fearful I would be called upon to pray out loud in front of them.
Until, a very large door opened.
This door, always walking by really fast, turning my head in the other direction as I quick stepped on by.
I've done this, for as long as I can remember. Allowing Satan's snarky comments to be truth in my heart.
"you're not smart enough. You're not outgoing (when have YOU ever been one to start conversation between strangers?). You're voice.... hahahahahaaaa, how many times have you been asked to speak up? how many times were you given constructive criticism because they couldn't hear you in the back of the room? " Whenever I got the courage to join up and do something new (like a video chat with a group of women from all corners of this great country), he would berate me after it was all over with. Even if, I thought it went well and I had made some solid observations and asked good questions.
This time though, God opened the door (just as I started the head turn/quickstep) and he yanked me in. Just like that!
Isn't it cool when you look back and you see how he opens a door and it creates so many new opportunities and relationships? God is so good!
Can I be honest? I almost feel like Dorothy Gale. My life had been feeling a bit "black & white" a little blah to say the least. I'd been through so much in the past two years and just when I felt like I resurfaced for air, another bout of grief hit my little family at the passing of my sweet grandma.
When I initially started Forever 31 Mama, my vision was sharing my faith journey and a lot of what was on my heart. I wanted it to be mostly lighthearted but real. I wanted you all to see that, as a christian I am not perfect. I struggle with things you may also struggle with, I try to share the silver lining stories and be light.
Even though the future looks a bit scary with all the world events and tragedies, we can laugh without fear of it because we know how the story ends!
After the devastating loss of my dear sweet friend, I felt like my posts were more centered on grief and going through. I know many of you resonated and felt comforted if you were going through similar seasons. Many of you were loving and praying for me from afar. I cannot thank you enough! However, I eventually started feeling like Eeyore. I wanted to bring back the lighter stuff and I think It started to filter through here and there but not as much as I wanted it to.
Today I'm feeling pretty amazing (If I could go back and see how many times I've used that word, and had a nickel, I'm sure I'd be rich)! God moved my life in a direction I never thought I wanted it to go but, I've been so blessed! I'm feeling like Dorothy when she opens the farmhouse door and everything is brilliantly in color!!!!!
Years ago, I struggled with making friends because of some bad circumstances. I wanted friendship in the worst way but I had been deeply hurt. I withdrew and built up walls but God! He gently helped me tear down my walls, removing each brick (even if we had to do this over and over again). Eventually, a couple of very special friendships manifested.
You see, I think he wanted to start me out slow to prove I could trust again. Now, in the matter of six months, I am involved in a women's bible study. Not only that, but the door He dragged me through? I was invited to become a small group leader. Completely out of my comfort zone but God likes to stretch us and show us what we're capable of.
I've met some sweethearted ladies who shared their heart and do you know what? I found myself jaw to floor. Because, these ladies were sharing things I had felt or I had walked through too. (Instant bonding right?)
I still fought with Satan in the car on the way to bible study and on the way home. Yet, I realized who I was up against. He didn't want me furthering my knowledge, he didn't want me gaining new friends and joining forces with some Jesus loving women. That being said, our conversations have gotten much shorter and not sweet at all! "SHUT UP DEVIL!" is all it takes. My heart recognizes now the venomous jabs were definitely all lies!
So, with all of the excitement and new things, I've decided It's time to move on. It's been an amazing (there's that word again!) ride with you all. This was my break into the blogging world and I'm not stopping here.
I'm working on a new project and once I'm ready to roll, I promise I will stop by and let you all know! The posts contained here will stay as long as possible.
God is in control, and in the end? My friends, remember this.... HE WINS!!!!
Blessings,
Krista <3
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