Judas went straight to Jesus and said "Peace be with you, Teacher, and kissed him. 
Matthew 26:49 GNB

But Jesus said, "Judas, is it with a kiss that you betray the Son of Man?" 
Luke 22:48 GNB

Jesus was betrayed by a Judas Kiss. He walked right up to Jesus and kissed him which was a sign to the crowd that He was the one who should be arrested and taken away by the guards.

A few years ago I experienced a Judas kiss. Someone that I thought was my friend turned out to be the complete opposite of the definition.

Just like Jesus. I thought that my "Judas" was a true friend, someone I could trust .

The "kiss" left behind a lot of hurt and sadness. I grieved the loss of a friendship like it was the death of someone I knew.

Eventually, I was able to speak to her and tell her all was forgiven but it was a situation where the friendship could not exsist anymore.

After the ties of our friendshp were severed. I spent about two years building a wall. This wall was full of stone and lots of mortar. No one was going to hurt me again.

The few acquaintances I had were just that, acquatinances. I hid behind my husband and confided in him and also my trustworthy best friend who lives several states away. I completely trusted her because we grew up together and had each others backs since age six.

When my son started preschool I was very guarded with the other moms. I wasn't about to let myself become vulnerable and get hurt again.

I had a love hate relationhip with my wall. On one hand it kept me "safe" but, I was jealous when I heard my coworkers talk of their girls nights and womens groups. Any invites I received I politely declined.

Eventually, I found a great community of women online through (in)courage. It was a safe place where I could read blogs from women and mamas like me. They didn't know how much they impacted me. It seemed every day when I would get the email with the latest post, someone was speaking directly to me.

They did a short series on community and stepping outside of your comfort zone to make new friends. My best friend and I were really excited about this and we both made a pact that it was time to take a step.

This facet of my journey was really hard. I would start to chip away at the block wall and let my guard down little by little. I still had a hard time letting people in. A few instances occured where I started to pick up the blocks and mortar again. Thank God that he pushed me. He tapped me on the shoulder and whispered "it's time. to tear it all down."

It's been five years since my Judas kiss. Almost three years now since I tore down the block and mortar I built up around my wounded self.

I've since formed several friendships with some really great girls. I'm still working on expanding my circle slow and steady. That doesnt mean that I don't have days when i'm under attack and want to pick up a block and a trowel. The enemy tries to flood my mind with lies that no one can be trusted (yaddah yaddah) but these women have been so kind and sweet to me. They've been such an integral part of this healing and they are proably learning what a blessing theyve been as they're reading this post.

Can I tell you something friends? If you've been hurt like this before and been the recipient of a Judas kiss, you can trust again. Absolutely!
If you've been under construction and building up your wall to avoid getting hurt again, know that you aren't alone. Call upon Jesus, ask him to help you to trust again. Ask him to place people in your life that you can trust and call friend.

Last but not least,, there is a great community of women on (in)courage. This is where I found Bonnie Gray from The Faith Barista. Between Bonnie and (In)Courage, God used both to help me during different parts of my Journey.

Seek Your happiness in the Lord, and he will give you your heart's desire.. Give yourself to the Lord; trust in him, and he will help you; Psalm 37 4-5 GNB

Linking up today with Bonnie Gray, The Faith Barista

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/theheartindifferentkeys/2571985025/">Ark in Time</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/2.0/">cc</a>


  1. Wow! I am so proud of you for writing this post! I know it took everything you had. Praise God he breaks down every wall!

    1. Thanks for always being there sweet friend! We've seen each other through a lot and I'm so blessed to call you friend. ((HUGS))♥

  2. I love your story of coming back. It's so hard to learn to trust again when we've been betrayed. But it's rewarding when we can do it. I think about Jesus trusting Peter again after Peter betrayed him. I pray you'll continue strong on your journey; it's encouraging all of us who read it to venture out more ourselves.

    1. Thank you Lisa, It's definitely not been an easy thing but if I can help someone by sharing my story then that makes the journey worth it! :)



  3. Krista, I'm so sorry about the Judas kiss, but I can see that through this pain Jesus brought you closer to His heart. I know the pain of being betrayed by friends and the result of building walls.

    I, too, have been blessed by (In)courage. God led me to it towards the end of this past year. Through it, He further led me to Faith Barista, and I'm learning to allow myself to be "real." And I'm finding a safe community built up with beautiful spirits like yours. :) Thank you for writing this, Krista.

    1. He really did Trudy! :) And had I not experienced this, I probably wouldn't be right where I am today.
      Like you, I'm enjoying this safe community of great people on different legs of their journey. You've got a beautiful, sweet spirit Trudy.I'm glad to be able to share alongside you!