Linking up today with The Faith Barista!
The hall outside the waiting area was full of people. Each face carrying the same mix of exhaustion and concern. Some sat on benches and some found space up against the wall on the floor. We made our way through the clusters of people into the dark waiting room where our family has been taking up residence for the past few days.
My husband's uncle lifted his head, smiled, and waved to us with tired eyes. His wife chatted and chatted. Our young cousin just fresh out of high school was curled up on the couch by herself listening to the chatter.
We talked awhile and then my son and I walked back to the little room in the ICU where my husband was visiting with the rest of his family.
His aunt had just gone in for routine back surgery last week and was supposed to come home the same day.
Something went tragically wrong and here we all were willing her to wake up, open an eye, squeeze a hand, anything to let us know she was still in there. Alas, no progress was being made and tests came back that she didn't have enough brain activity to sustain her.
Shock. Grief. Sadness.
This wasn't supposed to happen. She was even nonchalant about having this surgery. Telling my brother in law that she would be back on Face book to play "Words with Friends" in a day or so.
Some people are blessed with time to digest the impending death of a loved one. I think it helps give them a sense of closure early on. While death will still hurt and sting the family that's left behind, at least they had time to say the things that needed to be said and make peace (hopefully) with what's to come.
Our aunt was the epitome of vibrancy and health. This is hitting the family extremely hard because nobody expected it.
So I ask myself where is there beauty in the last moments of life, is there beauty in death?
I've always been a little creeped out by it to be completely honest. If you want me to be even more real, I have a bit of a fear of it. I''m not really afraid of where I'll end up. I'm saved and on my way to heaven. I think what bothers me the most is thinking about the loved ones I would be leaving behind and wondering how they would function without me. I don't have a control issue or anything do I? (Que the nervous laughter)
We wait for the phone call this evening. The ventilator was removed earlier today and she breathes on her own by what little brain power she has left. I continue to ponder beauty and death.
There is beauty in life and new life. Such beauty in the sound of the a newborn baby's cry. There is beauty in the first buds of Spring bursting forth from under the late winters snow. Beauty in the first summers rain and the first flash of autumn's colors tipping the tops of the maples that line the entrance to our neighborhood.
There is beauty in death when you know your Lord and Saviour. Beauty in knowing that all of the things of this world that hinder us with fall away and we will be made brand new. The things that we suffer with right now, those things will be gone. We will be completely free! All of the scars of our past will fade away. There IS beauty in that.
** In memory of Susie.
photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/muehlinghaus/3997198799/">[ henning ]</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.0/">cc</a>
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Sigh.....I read your post and I can relate more than you know. I was widowed at 32 with a young son, my father a year later took his own life,a an aunt died way too young, a co-worker died of cancer. Grief is so hard, and I would ask myself the same question...where is the beauty in this? Where is God in this? And through these dark times I came to see the beauty in John 11:25.... Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die. It is HE that brings beauty to both life and death. He is the LIFE. He has overcome death. That makes all the difference.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss, Krista. Also for yours, Dawn. So heartrending.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing the beauty you have learned through death. Krista, I love this - "We will be completely free! All of the scars of our past will fade away. There IS beauty in that."
Thank you for your condolences Freedtofly, I"m glad you stopped by today! :)
DeleteEnjoyed your post on finding beauty in death. When we know Jesus it is there to find! I sat in a hospital waiting room yesterday while our daughter had surgery...she is doing fine....but that waiting room was full of people in different situations and you could not help but ponder what brought them and what would take them home. Don't know how people do life at all without Jesus......
ReplyDeleteRenee, I'm so glad your daughter is doing fine! :) I wondered the same thing when we were at the hospital. You could see the worry on their faces and I hate to see people like that.
DeleteI honestly don't know how people do life without Jesus either.. can't imagine a day without him! :)
Thanks for stopping by today!
So sorry for your loss. :( It definitely is hard when it's totally unexpected like that.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's hard to find beauty in these situations. I know God gives grace to those left behind, but when we're hurting, it's not always easy to see. My prayers are with your families....
Thank you Lisa, I appreciate your condolences and prayers.
DeleteI know God has a plan in this and I believe it's to draw the family closer to him.
Thanks for stopping by today! :)
So very sorry for your loss... I love this post though. The only beauty in death really does seem to be the life it bring thereafter (in Christ). Love & prayers to you & your family. ♥
ReplyDeleteThank you myhearthiswords, I appreciate the love and prayers for all of us.
DeleteI"m glad you stopped by! :)
"This wasn't supposed to happen." Now, there is a world of pain, loss and grief in those words. Krista, I am so sorry you and your family have to go through loss in this un-heart-prepared way. I think love makes us so vulnerable to being afraid of death. At least for me. I've never really felt fearful of death, until I became a mom. Can't really explain it either. I know what you mean. Where is the beauty in that? It's leading me to ask God all these questions... and I guess the one beauty I've found is that God is listening and that He is troubled by it and cares for me in those fears. If I was near you, I'd come and drop off a strawberry pastry and a hug for you. xoxo Thanks for sharing this tender moment with us in the faith jam.
ReplyDeleteI couldn't agree with you more Bonnie! I think becoming a mother made me more sensitive to my mortality because I have another life to take care of. It's amazing how your thought processes change when you become a mama! :)
DeleteOh, and that strawberry pastry sounds scrumptious! ;)
Hi Krista...
ReplyDeleteMy family was just touched by death. A boy, now a man, that went to school with my children. He got sick, hospitalized and after being tested for various things for a couple of weeks... died. So young. A father of two young kids.
My kids knew him back when. I knew of him (his sister and my daughter were best friends.) For some reason my daughter and son and I have really been grieving. Maybe because for the first time it touched my children's generation?
I have been praying for the ones left behind. His daddy is a minister but the pain will still be there.
I used to 'freak out' because I have COPD and don't know when I will be called home. My daughter is now married and my son has a mate so I have relaxed. They have someone to lean on.... someone to talk to. They have God... now they have more.
Love, Patty
Hi Patty! I'm so sorry to hear of this young man passing. I pray God would comfort you and your children during this time of grieving.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear you have peace of mind in knowing your children have mates but also knowing that they have the Lord must make you extremely happy! :)
Be blessed!
As I read this, my husband is on his way to the hospital to see his grandmother who has suddenly become delusional, along with some other seemingly minor health issues (like a mild infection, dehydration, etc.). Now they're saying she may be on her way out of this life and it all seems so abrupt. I fear that lack of control, too, that someday I'll slip from this body without signing off that my story is done. And you're right that it's about control and lack of trust. I have to fall back on Psalm 116:15 that "precious in His sight is the death of His saints" and that to be "absent from the body is to be present with the Lord" (II Corinthians 5:8) and that "he who trusts in Him will not be disappointed" (I Peter 2:6). Thank you for this thoughtful piece as we may be facing this loss of a precious woman very soon.
ReplyDeleteDear Darcy, I'm so sorry to hear this about your husband's grandmother. I pray the Lord will comfort you and give you peace during this season.
ReplyDeletePsalm 116:15 is a beautiful verse to reflect upon. :)
I am so sorry. It's shocking to lose a loved one, especially when it's unexpected. I love that you have a verse close to your heart right now.
ReplyDelete