This week I was supposed to have a book read and ready to review but I unfortunately am not going to meet my deadline.

Talking to my best friend this week I shared with her my struggles. I shared that I feel like I'm in the "grief business".  Whenever I write, it feels like that's what I am supposed to be doing.  Maybe, this season is still stretching forth and maybe I"m here to share with you about going through.

Sometimes the most painful chapters of our lives —- are the most meaningful chapters of our lives. Ann Voskamp

This week I was shocked to find that a friend I met through a writers forum had lost her soul mate. It was sudden and very unexpected.  When I saw her post that she was "undone", I immediately flashed back to losing my friend. The sudden, unexpected loss. My heart hurt and tears welled up as I thought of this friend who is coming to terms with this heartbreak.

Blessed are those who mourn for they will be comforted Matthew 5:4 NIV

Grief changes you.  Only you have the power to allow it make you more aware of how truly precious our time here on earth is or, you can use that power to become withdrawn, and bitter.  Of course there are moments in this process that you might feel angry and bitter. That is perfectly normal, just don't stay there too long.

This friend of mine doesn't know it but, when I was going through the dark days of grief, feeling my way along the walls, looking for the way out, She shared something that touched my heart. It was a bit of a turning point.
I saw a pinhole speck of light and I trained my eyes on it.  Yes, I was clinging to Jesus during this time and I give him all the glory for getting me where I am today. However, when you are in those dark days sometimes he uses someone or something to give you that pinhole speck of light and hope.

Tonight I am thinking about her and I'm holding her close to my heart and lifting her up to God.  I know our circumstances are quite different but in a way there are some similarities and I want to give back that speck of  light and hope.


Hope that she (and you, if you're in this place too) will allow herself to feel and not be afraid, or ashamed to allow grief to happen. Take time for comforting things. Journaling, painting, art, Calligraphy, baking, whatever soothes you.
wrapping up in a big soft blanket and sipping tea. Allowing yourself to have conversations with God. Ask him those painful questions. Why? How? What next?
He loves you so much and eventually, he will show you the answers. Maybe not right away, maybe not a month or two from now, maybe years later this will all make sense. Remember, He already knows our stories beginning to end!

When the wounds are still so fresh, you don't want to look too far ahead. Take it moment by moment and then you'll find you can take it day by day.

I still have my moments but I'm going through.

In my conversation with my best friend, as I was trying to make sense of my space here, I said to her "So, I’m feeling like maybe God is using me in a way to help those who grieve… this grief thing just keeps following me around. Not as in, I am still grieving heavily. But, it seems that more and more people that I’ve gotten to know have been met with grief and it’s odd how we’re all connected. Maybe he is using me to show them that if I can get through it, so can they?

So, there you have it. I'm not all the way through it. I can't really put a time limit on when I will be able to say that I'm through it.  Someone that's had such an impact on your life is suddenly gone? I'm not sure that I'll ever be the same but honestly, that's not a bad thing.

So, that’s where I am.

I still search the skies for heartshaped clouds.

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his gloriious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may hve power, together with all the Lord's holey peopl, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may e filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more thatn all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generatios, for ever and ever!Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21


photo credit: <a href="">Lilly 6-28</a> via <a href="">photopin</a> <a href="">(license)</a>

photo credit: <a href="">A message</a> via <a href="">photopin</a> <a href="">(license)</a>

One Comment

  1. Wow, Krista! This is heart-rending and encouraging at the same time. I'm sorry still for you and now for your friend also. I love how you point out that we have the choice to become better or bitter. But at the same time, you encourage us to allow ourselves to go through the grieving process and not be ashamed of it. It's amazing how God is using the heartache in your life to equip you to better minister to others experiencing grief. May God give you and your friend strength and peace for each day! Hugs!