Ernest Hemingway once said, "write hard and clear about what hurts."

I believe in this past year that's just what I've done.  You see sometimes time doesn't heal all wounds. Time just allows a thick scar to form over our hearts as a reminder of a painful season we've walked through. Maybe it's a  constant reminder of going through and getting through.

There's still a twinge in my heart every time I see her name when I log in each day and know I can't walk over and chat or ask "what time do you want to walk today?"

The days I go out and walk alone aren't the same but I can manage to do it now without crying. The yellow finches have started to appear and as they trill and flit from tree to tree I am smiling. The crisp in the morning air reminds me of our last walk and chat but the dragonflies that dance above the waters edge fly over to greet me at least once a day. I  can't help but think it's a friendly reminder that she is free now.
A year ago today she sent me a message and I didn't get to read it until it was too late. I've spent the better part of  this past year agonizing over what I could have done to save her. I know now all of this agonizing is part of the grieving process.
It's like climbing a never ending staircase, this thing called grief.

In all of my years I've never allowed myself to truly feel my feelings to this extent. I've always managed to hide behind a smile and an "I'm fine, how are you?" This go around I've felt the raw reality of grief and the roller-coaster ride of emotions that dip and twist.

What I've realized over the past year is this,  it's ok to not be ok. You don't have to be upbeat and happy all the time. Tears are an amazing release of pain.  There really isn't a 'normal' anything.  God is still God no matter what. He will guard you and guide you through the fog and the stormy days and will hold you up when you can't seem to stand on your own.

Life is definitely different without my sweet friend but after a year, I've learned so much about myself. I've got a tight group of co-workers who I now consider family.

Next weekend marks a year that she left us to soar with wings of an angel to be with Jesus.  She'll always be missed, always be loved and will forever be in my heart.

He will wipe away all tears from their eyes. There will be no more death, no more grief or crying or pain. The old things have disappeared.
Revelation 21:4 GNB



  1. Hi, Krista! I love it that we have a God who will carry us through. His strength will hold us up when we're too weak to stand alone. I once did a study to see what the Bible says about strength. It turns out there are NO verses about us being strong. There are only verses about Him being strong for us. That clued me in---I was never meant to be strong enough without Him. :) Blessings to you! Visiting from Coffee for Your Heart (Better to link-up late than never)

  2. Hi Krista. Thank you for writing hard and clear about what hurts in this past year. Again, I'm sorry for your pain. Hugs! This has comforted me today - "God is still God no matter what. He will guard you and guide you through the fog and the stormy days and will hold you up when you can't seem to stand on your own."