If you're on this journey with us, I have to ask, what are your triggers? Is there something that causes you to abandon ship? What has been your biggest struggle when trying to adapt to a healthier way of eating?

I'll go first.

I never used to be an emotional eater. In fact, I was quite the opposite. I would become withdrawn and anxious and all but refuse to eat. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety. I lost 25 pounds very quickly. I was eating less and exercising more. I was trying everything I could to cure me without meds. So, after losing the weight that should have made me feel awesome, I ended up looking better than I felt on the inside. But, nobody saw that.

Since then, I found a medicine that works for me. I'm not sure if it's the meds or just a shift in hormones but, since then I've noticed my reaction to stress, pain, excitement, joy, is to eat. It started out innocently enough. I mentioned the hubs chocolate chip cookies in an earlier post. Cookies, Candy, Ice cream, brownies, you name it. I even started to crave salty and sweet together. I couldn't go a night without having something sweet after dinner. Mostly, it was after my son was tucked in.

When I was trying to eat healthier before, I thought having a bag of dark chocolate chips in the freezer would make a healthy snack before bed. I would only take a couple of tablespoons and try to eat them slowly. Eventually, the tablespoon stayed in the drawer and I would go through a bag in about 5 days. If I was out running errands, I would always stop for a frou frou coffee drink (always skinny with no whip, but really...ha!) and if I had pick up prescriptions, I would make a trip down the candy isle and pick up movie theatre style candy for us to have later with a movie night or fame game night. That would be fine to do but, not more than once a week right?

I see the pattern, I feel the pattern. Just today, I drove out to the cemetery to visit my friend. I took pink flowers, I talked to her through my tears, sat quietly and felt my heart breaking all over again. On the way home, I felt the sudden desire for a milkshake or a cup of ice cream. Something to fill the crack in my heart. I told the hubs how I was feeling. He told me he wasn't going to let me fail. I couldn't have a milkshake. I didn't get it and it's all good. I don't need a milkshake to make me feel better. A hug from the hubs and my son would be just as filling if not more fulfilling than a milkshake ever would!

It really helps to have a partner in crime. Knowing that I'm not alone on this journey and I've got the hubs cheering me is so great! We're in this together and working so hard to get healthy. Breaking bad habits and replacing them with healthier choices feels so good!

photo credit: <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/36382844@N00/4828030064">Gluten free chocolate and hazelnut brownies</a> via <a href="http://photopin.com">photopin</a> <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/">(license)</a>

Leave a Reply